Almost half a million children are in the foster care system in the United States. Fostering is one way to provide safety and stability for them as they wait to be placed with a permanent family through adoption. As such, becoming a foster parent can be rewarding for you and the child as you help them develop emotionally, physically, and socially. However, the Children’s Bureau reports that children in foster care are often victims of abuse and trauma and cannot remain safely in their homes. Consequently, this can create a challenge as a child who has faced abuse needs extra attention as they recover from the trauma they experienced.

This article will help you learn the basics of fostering a child affected by abuse and offer tips on how to work through some of the situations that come with this type of care:

1. Be patient

Patience is essential for any parenting situation, but even more so when fostering a child who has experienced the trauma of abuse. A study by the Children and Youth Services Review revealed that foster children are more likely to develop problems in their social-emotional functioning. This can manifest through physical aggression, depression, or lack of impulse control.

These behaviors can be frustrating for foster parents, but it’s crucial to remain kind and understanding as they work through their experiences and emotions. You can do this by practicing positive reinforcement and actively listening to their needs without coddling.

2. Provide therapy

Therapy can be an important part of the healing process. There are plenty of options for therapy, but one of the most common is grief counseling. An article on grief counseling by Maryville University explains that it can be a way for children to understand loss. It can help them cope with the complex emotions that can arise in the aftermath of trauma, including the permanent loss of their biological family and daily routines. Counseling techniques such as play and art help children understand and work through the complicated and confusing emotions they may feel as they transition to their new lives.

It is important to note that the methods most appropriate for a particular child will depend on various factors, including the child’s developmental level. Because of this, it is important to work with a mental health professional to determine the best course of treatment. Each child is assessed for their mental health needs upon placement at Trinity Youth Services, is assigned a team, and the youth is encouraged to create goals for their progress.

3. Establish a routine

A predictable routine can give children a sense of structure and stability and help them feel more in control of their environment. Routines help them feel safe as they settle into their new environment because they know what they can expect to happen throughout their day.

Although establishing routines can be tricky with busy schedules, it’s vital to remember that things like sleep, exercise, and meals are all crucial to their adjustment period. To start a routine, you can establish rules regarding meals and snacks, create a bedtime schedule, and plan meals for the week together.

4. Take care of yourself

When you foster a child who has been affected by abuse, it’s important to remember that it’s not your job to fix them. Your job is to give them a safe space and provide them with love and understanding so they can begin healing. As you do so, you also need to remember that you have limits and needs of your own.

Fostering a trauma-affected child can be emotionally and physically demanding. A study published by the National Library of Medicine notes that foster parents experience heightened parenting stress and a lack of emotional support. To this end, consider setting boundaries, finding help from other foster parents or therapists, and taking time for self-care.

Abusive situations can be incredibly traumatic for children in foster care. With empathy, compassion, and support, these children can heal and thrive in your home.

---

Anna Foster is a freelance writer specializing in education and childcare. She is an advocate for fostering and adoption. In her spare time, she volunteers for her local shelter and other charitable causes.

Trinity Youth Services (TYS) stands with the California Alliance of Child and Family Services in sharing the sorrow of the recent mass shooting in our community of Monterey Park. Our deepest sympathies to those who lost loved ones or who were injured in this senseless act of violence during a day intended for celebration and hope.

This devastating incident hits close to home with a TYS foster care office, staff, and families residing within Monterey Park. Our hearts go out to the community.

Any TYS staff or families affected by this tragic event will be assessed for their mental health needs and will be provided with therapeutic services by our compassionate and caring team.

It is more important than ever to support one another and to provide opportunities for healing. As an organization dedicated to advocating for children and families, as well as mental health and safety, here are a list of resources that can be accessed for those suffering from traumas impacting mental health:

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 24/7 support and crisis resources; call, text, or chat 988
• Crisis Text Line: 24/7 support at your fingertips; text HOME to 741741
• The Trevor Project LGBTQ Hotline: 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Hotline: 24/7 at 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
• Directory of Additional Helpline Resources from NAMI 

I’ve heard this statement time and time again: “Eve, I’d love to become a foster parent, but my partner does not approve.” Although I can definitely understand that this can be a sensitive issue that may spark a debate, I don’t believe that all is lost if your partner is less than thrilled about fostering.

Here’s what I know: So many people believe the myths they’ve heard or read about fostering or foster youth, but don’t truly know all of the facts. Giving your partner the facts on fostering, as well as being around happy foster parents, may convince them to try fostering. Here are some key tips to help your spouse become as excited as you are about fostering:

1. Don’t accept your spouse’s “No” response without obtaining more information. Ask them why they don’t want to foster. Is it fear? Lack of time? Worried about being overwhelmed? Asking them specific reasons why they oppose fostering will help you obtain the information you need to educate them about how to overcome that specific challenge.

2. Ask your significant other what would make them more open to fostering. Your partner may be able to state the reasons why they are opposed to fostering, but try to open their minds by asking them a different question. When you ask them what would make them open to fostering, you’ll learn what you’ll need to do to get to a “Yes” answer much faster.

3. Attend foster parent meetings. One of the best ways to get your partner on board to foster, is for them to be around positive foster parents who can talk to them about their experiences. This is key, because it will cause them to start imaging what’s possible as a foster parent. When your spouse hears stories that conflict with their current beliefs about fostering, they will start to question what they believe, and may start to be more open to fostering.

4. Show them positive videos of foster youth or foster families. Visually seeing other families similar to yours who are speaking highly of their foster youth, can help change your spouse’s perspective on fostering, especially if they are fearful of having a new child in the home, or are concerned about challenging behaviors.

5. Attend foster care orientations. Attending orientations is a great way of learning more about the certification process, and what to expect when a new child moves in. This may alleviate some apprehension from your spouse, because they will learn about the process in a more detailed way, and understand that they will receive 24-7 support, and so much more. They can also address their concerns and get the answers they need to move forward in their fostering journey.

6. Sign up to become a respite parent. If your partner is hesitant about fostering due to having a busy schedule, discussing respite care may be a great starting point! With respite care, you are able to care for a child when your schedule permits, and you’ll be able to see if fostering full time is right for you.

If you’d like to learn more, please schedule an appointment when it is convenient for you and your spouse.

Schedule an Appointment

---

Eve Powers, Foster Care Marketing Specialist
Eve has a strong commitment to helping foster youth and their families thrive and live successful lives. A former foster youth, Eve obtained her bachelor’s and master’s degree in Communications from California State University, San Bernardino, and is a certified Holistic Life Coach, motivational writer, self-help author and celebrity interviewer. Beyond the Trinity Youth Services blog, Eve’s articles can be found in numerous platforms including Foster Focus Magazine, Heart & Soul Magazine, BET Centric and Huffington Post. A passionate advocate for the LGBTQ community, Eve continues to educate, support and mentor foster youth throughout Southern California.

The rise of gun violence across America is causing shockwaves and panic throughout our communities. It seems as if every time we turn on the TV, or turn on the computer, we are seeing more and more headlines about innocent people, including children, being gunned down. These news stories can cause youth to experience sadness, anxiety, grief or depression. Some children may also fear leaving their homes, or fear going to school.

Some youth may even become triggered, especially if they’ve already experienced violence and loss in their homes. Although we cannot control what happens in the world, we do have the power to empower our youth with the skills they need to increase the odds of their safety and well-being. Here are a few ways you can help your youth stay safe.

1. Have an honest talk about gun violence: For a lot of parents, having discussions about the harsh realities of the world can seem overwhelming. However, not talking about what’s going on in the world, or ignoring it, can actually do more harm than good. Gun violence isn’t going away, and youth are often one of the biggest targets perpetrators look for. Be sure to start an open dialogue about gun violence with your child. Ask them questions about how they are feeling regarding hearing about violence and how it’s affecting them. Ask them what they need to feel safe. To help your child feel safe with expressing their feelings, you may try describing a time in your life when you’ve witnessed or experienced violence, and how you handled it (if it was a positive approach).
2. Educate Your Youth: Talk to youth about some warning signs to look out for, which can include someone expressing rage in an unhealthy manner, talking about hurting others or getting revenge. Encourage teens to stay away from crime-ridden areas, and to come home at a reasonable hour. Encourage youth to always be aware of their surroundings and pay attention to and report anything that looks suspicious.
3. Develop a plan of action that include all probable scenarios that could happen, such as a shooting at a school, a park, a mall, etc. Go over the most important actions youth can take to protect themselves. Have them look for places they can go that might be safe if violence strikes. Have them think about the exit points in public places.
4. Consider Active Shooter Classes: See if your community offers classes to help youth learn the skills they need to keep themselves safe around an active shooter.
5. Some perpetrators target victims who seem naïve or timid. So have your child practice good body language, and to maintain good eye contact. Encourage them to speak clearly, and with authority, especially in public settings. Taking self-defense classes may help some youth gain more confidence and help them feel more secure in public.
6. If gun violence is affecting your child’s mental health, and they’ve experienced past trauma, consider signing them up to see a therapist who specializes in trauma. Some youth need to speak with a trusted professional who can help them learn specific coping skills that will help them feel more secure, and to also heal from their past childhood wounds.

---

Eve Powers, Foster Care Marketing Specialist
Eve has a strong commitment to helping foster youth and their families thrive and live successful lives. A former foster youth, Eve obtained her bachelor’s and master’s degree in Communications from California State University, San Bernardino, and is a certified Holistic Life Coach, motivational writer, self-help author and celebrity interviewer. Beyond the Trinity Youth Services blog, Eve’s articles can be found in numerous platforms including Foster Focus Magazine, Heart & Soul Magazine, BET Centric and Huffington Post. A passionate advocate for the LGBTQ community, Eve continues to educate, support and mentor foster youth throughout Southern California.

For over a decade, the child welfare community has celebrated June as National Reunification Month. The American Bar Association (ABA) Center on Children and the Law and other national partners created the National Reunification Month in 2010, as the most desirable and positive legal permanency option for children. According to recent data, reunifications is the permanency option achieved by most children in the child welfare system.

Reunification month is an incredible opportunity for the child welfare system to commit to resource families and children’s parents working together to provide children and youth with the critical love and support they need. It is an opportunity to use the compassion and skills of resource families across the country to encourage and promote safe reunification, where possible, and to remain engaged with children and parents after reunification to provide ongoing support.

On average, Trinity Youth Services successfully reunifies over 30 families each year. We join with thousands of professionals, foster parents and organizations to promote, celebrate and raise awareness about the importance of family reunification to children in foster care. We recognize the people and efforts around the country that help families to stay together and support the child welfare community:

• To celebrate the accomplishments of families who have overcome an array of challenges to reunify safely and successfully.
• To recognize the vital role that community partners – including mental health and substance abuse providers, courts and judges, foster parents and others – play in helping to reunify, strengthen and support families.
• To inspire other parents – particularly those going through the recovery process – that it is possible to confront and resolve the issues that led to their separation, and to reunify with their children.

All children need the care, love, security and stability of family unity, including parents, siblings, grandparents and other extended family members to provide them with a solid foundation for personal growth, development, maturity and happiness.

---

John Neiuber, President of the Board
John is the former CEO of Trinity Youth Services and holds bachelor’s and master’s degrees from CSUSB. He is a veteran and received the Army Commendation Medal. John was a teacher, union president, assistant principal, principal, and district office administrator in the public schools, and a management and leadership consultant to public agencies and private industry. He is the former CEO of Advanced Education Services, establishing and operating nonpublic and charter schools. John was recognized by the Center for Entrepreneurship as the winner of the Social Entrepreneur of the Year in 2016. He is an active volunteer in his community, having served on city and county commissions. He is currently the Chairman of the Children’s Foundation of America and writes a monthly history column for the local newspaper.

A Message from the CEO:

The concept I associate most with Spring – even late Spring, is, of course, change. In California, we really don’t experience the significant changes in weather other regions enjoy. However, subtle changes are taking place everywhere around us, and even small changes can bring about huge results. Nowhere is this more prevalent than at Trinity Youth Services.

This past month, Trinity team members from every location and every level of the organization collaborated on a new four-year strategic plan that will guide the agency through some very significant changes. I believe the strategic planning process is always a good exercise. It provides the agency with an opportunity to review and reconnect to our mission (what we do), our vision (what we want to be at our best) and our values (what drives us forward, even when the burdens seem to outweigh the benefits).

The team overwhelmingly supported keeping the mission statement intact. We still believe the statement, “Helping children and families create a better future,” aptly describes what the agency does, at its core. However, our vision statement changed dramatically. In the past, the vision statement reflected a desire to be the first choice for funders and placing agencies, and yes, that is still important, because it signifies those stakeholder groups that keep us in business, financially, have enough confidence in us to invest in our success. However, the team felt it was more important to declare that the agency, at its very best, is what we provide to children and families, how we prepare them for the “better future” our mission statement describes. Our vision statement now reflects our desires:

To cultivate an environment of compassionate quality care.
To plant seeds of hope and resiliency.
To nurture the development of children and families empowered for success.

The primary values of the agency have changed very little. The driving forces of the agency continue to be stated as follows:

We value safety, well-being and permanency for children, youth, and families.
We value embracing research, best practices and proven approaches that help children and youth.
We value employees and will provide them with the knowledge, skills, and tools to be successful.
We value the ability to adapt and change to the needs of those we serve.
We value open, honest, and transparent governance and management practices.

The decision was made to add two additional statements. One that reflects the agency’s commitment to ensuring the children and families we serve receive the highest quality programs and services, without regard for race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, ability or any other factor, and, as an agency, we will strive to recruit, retain and provide opportunity for promotion to staff that reflect, represent and inspire those we serve.

We value Diversity, Inclusion and Equity in all we do.

The second additional statement declares Trinity’s gratitude for the numerous partnerships that assist us and enable us to fulfill our mission. This includes the board of directors, staff, volunteers, vendors, placing agencies, governing and monitoring entities, donors, and community supporters.

We value the relationships with all stakeholder groups that enable us to do this good work.

I believe the strategic planning team’s changes help to ensure the mission, vision and value statements of Trinity Youth Services accurately represent the intentionality with which we should all strive to approach work that is truly meaningful. Reading these words inspires me and makes me proud to be associated with the agency and with each and every one of our staff.

Caterpillars are always inching their way toward becoming their best and most beautiful selves. At Trinity Youth Services, we should do no less. Wishing everyone a happy May and a wonderful springtime season.

View the full 2022-2026 Strategic Plan published here.

---

Cher Ofstedahl, CEO
Cher leads our agency which serves over 200 children and families daily through residential therapeutic services, mental health programs, foster care and adoption services. Cher advocates for children in need after experiencing her own childhood trauma. Her firsthand experience gives her unique insight into our mission to help children and families create a better future. Cher has been with Trinity Youth Services for over 20 years In 2019, Cher completed her master’s degree in ethical leadership from Claremont Lincoln University. Cher currently serves on the Human Relations Committee for the City of Claremont to help oversee their Diversity, Equity and Inclusion efforts, serves on the Policy and Practice Commission for the Child Welfare League of America (CWLA), is on the Juvenile Justice Steering Committee for the California Alliance for Children & Families, is a Design Thinking Department Advisor at University of California, Riverside and serves on the board for the Association of Community Human Service Agencies (ACHSA). In 2018, she was recognized by Senator Anthony Portantino as Outstanding Nonprofit Executive Director and, in 2022, Cher was named Woman of Distinction by Assemblymember Chris Holden.

Did you know that four children per day die as a result of child abuse, and that 70% are under the age of 4? Child abuse can have devastating effects that last a lifetime, including PTSD, depression, social anxiety, and more. In order to protect your child from being abused, here are a few things you can do to keep your child safe. 

Teach your child appropriate and inappropriate behaviors by role playing and giving them rewards when they can properly identify inappropriate behaviors. 

Tell your child to inform you immediately if they ever feel uncomfortable with someone, even if they are friends or family members. Tell them they won’t get in trouble for telling on an adult, and that you’ll keep them safe. 

Help your child create and keep personal boundaries. Children need to know that they have rights, and that their bodies deserve to be respected. They need to know that it’s ok to decline hugs or touches from anyone.  

Teach your child how to be private. Some children are trusting of everyone and will tell strangers where they live or give out their phone numbers. Let children know who is appropriate to give their personal information to. 

Let children know that child abuse can also happen verbally. Tell your child that name calling and threats, are unacceptable behaviors and to tell you when an adult crosses the line. 

Be aware of your own mental health and that of the people who share a home with your child. If you or someone in your home is stressed or disturbed, seek help immediately and ask a trusted neighbor, friend, or family member to look after your child until it is safe.

Schedule regular talks with your child to check in to see if they have any concerns about how an adult in their life is treating them. 

If you suspect that your child or another child has been abused, call the police or the national child abuse hotline 24/7 at 800-422-4453. 

---

Eve Powers, Foster Care Marketing Specialist
Eve has a strong commitment to helping foster youth and their families thrive and live successful lives. A former foster youth, Eve obtained her bachelor’s and master’s degree in Communications from California State University, San Bernardino, and is a certified Holistic Life Coach, motivational writer, self-help author and celebrity interviewer. Beyond the Trinity Youth Services blog, Eve’s articles can be found in numerous platforms including Foster Focus Magazine, Heart & Soul Magazine, BET Centric and Huffington Post. A passionate advocate for the LGBTQ community, Eve continues to educate, support and mentor foster youth throughout Southern California.